I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
