stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
