i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
