I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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