high people should be assigned attendants
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
