i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
