i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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