Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
