If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
