I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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