Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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