Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
