is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
