upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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