Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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