Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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