She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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