hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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