why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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