This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
