So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh god the rape fog is back!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
