The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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