I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
