she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
