Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
