I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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