dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
