is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
