Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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