Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
