video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
