I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
