Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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