i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
