There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
