You just made me feel so damn special
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
