I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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