Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He did a backflip because drugs
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
