distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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