there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
