dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
