i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
