i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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