11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
