Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
