I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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