Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
