Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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