In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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