youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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