what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one