i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance