the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.