Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online