I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.