i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
