Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
