on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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