it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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