You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
