Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
