was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
