Can i not drive my cunt home
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize