she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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