I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
my liver is dry heaving
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
