Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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