planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
