I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
