Im at strip club and am horny
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
