you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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